Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
