she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize