im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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