She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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