We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
