yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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