I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize