I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My dick has a subreddit
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
