So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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