Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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