wat bout pragnant strippers??
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize