I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the day after is always just damage control
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
