I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
