sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sext me about skeletons
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
