I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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