no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
