What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
