Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
