Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
