i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
They left me at home... I'm a liability
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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