if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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