I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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