I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
