I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
