They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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