I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
that is very illegal...i love you.
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