We're like a lot better than the average bears
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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