I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
