Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
