Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
