Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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