Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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