I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
