I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
