I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
