I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize