one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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