I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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