oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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