On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
