Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
