I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
