Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
