Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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