dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
