Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
