This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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