omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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