dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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