Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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