Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize