I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
