White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
