did you get engaged???
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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