And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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