is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
