My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
