I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
