why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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