Well apparently he's into motor boating.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
