i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
