he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
