How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
