batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
How's work?
Spinning.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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