After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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