i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
