You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm passing your future prison.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
