Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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