I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
